Self-esteem challenge - Day thirty: Are you happy with yourself?

I’m not sure what this means exactly.

I guess not.

I like who I am, but I’m not happy with how my life is.

I don’t want to be sick any more. I want, more than anything, to have the energy to do more than just exist. If I had physical energy, I could put more energy into recovery from my psychological problems.

I’m not sure how I feel about autism. I know it’s not politically correct to say it sucks, but for me, it does. I like the way my brain works, but the price I pay is way too high. It’s not just down to society’s reaction to it. It’s due to the fact that making sense of ANYthing, not just people, is such a struggle.

I believe it was my autism that lead to my physical problems. I am constantly so pumped with adrenaline, and the problems I have are asociated with adrenaline overload.

I’m happy with the awareness my problems have given me. I’m happy it has made me more appreciative of other people and things. I’m happy I care passionately about things and I’m happy that I try hard.

I’m not happy with how much left there is that needs changing before I can feel comfortable inside my self. I’m not happy that I can’t make myself better or make it go faster. And I’m not happy with how negative I often am, but I am very slowly improving. I don’t like when my jokes involve cynicism or sarcasm. But I am trying to curb that too.

I will get there in the end. I have to believe that. I’m not sure I actually do anymore though.