Thank you for helping me - please read this

I am reluctant to say this because it is hard to convince some people of the intensity of a BDD episode. But it is comparable to a massive weight gain or a binge for an ED sufferer or an out-of-control compulsion episode with OCD, so I am hoping you will understand this and not think it exaggerated or ridiculous.

Last night I had a BDD attack. It was my worst for years. I got to the point where i was seriously contemplating and planning suicide. I still feel very close to the edge.

But for some reason, I went on tumblr in the middle of it. Maybe it was unstinctive because it is the first place i have ever truly felt supported. And I saw a bunch of ‘likes’ and encouraging comments.

And it just gave me enough to make me hang on.

God, I always think posts like this are cheesy and exaggerated and I NEVER thought I would be writing one, but I get it now.

I never let myself accept kindness before because I didn’t trust it. If you have liked or commented on my posts, this is just to let you know that it is true what they say: one small word or gesture of kindness can save a life.

Please don’t reblog this. It feels too personal. Thank you.

I just came across a bunch of videos, some made by grown women, of people looking for ‘ana buddies’. I should be accustomed to this fucking bullshit by now, but… really???

Why is this offensive to me? Hmm. Let me see…

How would you feel about this:

“I’m looking for a manic-depression buddy. or a mande (pronounced MANDY) buddy. I’m thinking we could like $hoot up on caffeine and lick sum batteri3s and $tuff and g3t lik3 r3ally manic, y3ah?

And th3n w3 could like go and $it in a graveyard and watch Lifetime movies after for like the depre$$o phase, yeah?

Cool

Kay, so me$$age me, guys, coz i’m like SOOOO desperate to go mande.”

IT’S A FUCKING MENTAL ILLNESS, NOT A PARTICIPATION SPORT.

And don’t even get me started on the fucking immorality of ENCOURAGING someone to basically kill themselves. This is called murder or manslaughter in any other context.

Just fuck off.

So I’m thinking of doing an experiment…

Not sure exactly what the details will be, but something along the lines of this: For one week, when I am on tumblr, I will pretend I really love myself and have tons of confidence and post things that reflect this. IDK if it will change what I post, since I try to post positive or neutral things mostly anyway, but it will certainly mean my text posts would be different, since that’s where I vent all my negative shit. Maybe I’d have to not do any, since I don’t want to make stuff up… How would that work?? Not sure not sure.

I’m thinking it would mean I look at different, more positive stuff. It would be interesting to see if it affects how I feel.

Anyway, any ideas would be welcome.

Probably a crap idea

?

I don’t believe I’m fat. I don’t feel fat.

What I feel is disgusting. And too large, by which I mean metaphorically. I exist too much. There is too much ME. So, naturally, as a child, I took that thought literally. I am too much, therefore if there is less of me, I will feel better.

It was never really about fat or thin.

Agreed!

fyoured:

ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh

apparently, the UK now want to include ‘healthy diet’ problems in maths lessons

what the actual fuck

yeah, let’s make our kids have pathological problems with food as well, yay!

this idiot on the news is saying what a ‘brilliant’ idea it is!!

although, in an interview on the street: “do you pay attention to food labels?”

man replies “no, I’ve got a brain, I don’t pay attention to things like that”

me: 

(via be-strong-beautiful)

Looking at ‘recovery’ blogs usually makes me want to shoot myself.

Yoga meltdown

Read More

Eating disorders are about control, but NOT about controlling people…

…they are an attempt to control crushing feelings of shame and self-disgust.