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Dear self,

I think you need to stop second-guessing me all the time.

Although, on the other hand…

Every human being judges another by the perception filter of their experience, including your parents… No one ever actually thinks anything about you. No thought can ever be fully about you. It is always going to be put through the perception of the ego.

“You Do Know: Learning to act on intuition instantly” by Becky Walsh

You are all in so much pain and I care so much and it kills me that I can’t make it go away but i want you to know that i am here and i care and i am thinking of you and in that way at least, you are not alone

My self esteem would be just fine if only all the people would go away.

One day you are going to realise that the little girl who thought she was nothing was everything after all, and the people who pretended to be everything were the ones who were nothing.

punkkimono

Challenge Day 2. Three Weaknesses of Yours

  1. I don’t know when enough is enough. I have to keep going until I’ve gone too far and I’m forced to stop, by which time the damage is done and often irreversibly so. I tell myself I’ve got to stop doing this, but then the next thing comes along and seems like it’s the exception and I’ve just got to keep going… and then, guess what? whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhyWHY don’t I ever learn???
  2. I always think I am wrong. So I try doing the oppoiste and then that seems wrong… No matter what I do or be or look like, it’s automatically wrong because it’s me doing/being/looking that way.
  3. I feel responsible and culpable for everything that happens. It means I try to fix everything, even when it’s not up to me. It annoys people because they just want to be listened to, not fixed. It exhausts me becuase I worry all the time. It’s ridiculous. And this is not very positive so I’m just gonna stop now before I depress myself LOL.

Self-esteem challenge - Day twenty-four: What is your definition of “beautiful”?

I can’t pretend I haen’t absorbed society’s ideals. I have. But I only judge myself harshly if i don’d conform. In everyone else, my idea of what is beautiful is a lot bigger than that narrow definition.

For others, beauty is something that grows as I get to know them. It bears no relation whatever to their physical appearance. It defines HOW I perceive their physical appearance, in fact.

I don’t think there really is an ugly person. The more you view people with compassion, the more beautiful people you find. Not saying I can do this. Just talking idealistically ;)

Self-esteem challenge - Day twenty-three: What physical feature do others seem to find most attractive about you?

My eyes. For some reason I’ve got a lot of nice comments on them. People tell me they are big and dark and striking and that I have nice eyelashes.

My eyes are the one part of my body I don’t actually hate. I would even go so far as to say - drumroll, please - I actually like my eyes!!

Recovery challenge - Day 18: Something nice I can see right now

my sparkly cushion with copper-coloured sequins all over one side and prown velvet the other. Love my cushion. Can’t live without it. Take it everywhere. Without it, I can’t sit anywhere without a stonking back ache. <3

Self-esteem challenge - Day twenty-two: What do you think others like about your personality?

This is hard. It makes me feel conceited to answer this.

I laugh at crazy things and make people laugh. And I try not to make sure I don’t hurt anyone’s feelings with it.

I try hard to be considerate and gentle with people.

I don’t like to condemn people, no matter what they’ve done. I’d rather understand.

I get enthusiastic and excited over things when I feel safe to be myself.

I’m patient.

OMG that was horrible.

Recovery - Day 16: Something I’m proud of today

Talked about a problem and asked for help instead of ‘fixing’ it in a more comfortable but less healthy way.